; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
