Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
