I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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