Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
