Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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