i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
