I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
