): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize