i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Bring me that man meat
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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