We need to rekindle our bromance
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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