Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
