I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm like, not good at living.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
