can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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