Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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