i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
