I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
