she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I deserve this hangover.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
