A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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