so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We are all done wearing pants today
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
