you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
