So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
