I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
