i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can I color on your dick again?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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