Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
