Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
