please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
