he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
