the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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