Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize