I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
