Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
