hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
