You're my little dorito
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
