What did we do last night that was yellow?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
