do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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