why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
