The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
