i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
