So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
