i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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