Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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