Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
