I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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