how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
