you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
