were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
