She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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