there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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