My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
