im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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