the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
