The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
