Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
