FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize