You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
