I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
