Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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