And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
