He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize