Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
