this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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