my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
