i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
