On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
