Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
