she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
