sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
