The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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