OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Houston, we have a squirter
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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