Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
