you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
