I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
