My nipple is on Facebook.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
