So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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