Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
