i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize