your thong is hanging out like whoa
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
