The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
