If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
